GayTV Recap: The Magicians (Episode 4x5)

The Magicians resident gay, Eliot (played by Hale Appleman), hasn't been himself since Season 4 began. In fact, his body has been inhabited by a demonic monster. While the monster told Eliot's friends that Eliot was dead, this week's episode caught up with the real Eliot, out of control and trapped within his own mind, living a seemingly peaceful, party-filled existence with his BFF Margo, and ignoring the occasional ominous knocks at his door.

However, when the knocks become too annoying, Margo answers the door and is pulled outside. Eliot quickly followed, only to find the area outside of the magic school Brakebills deserted, except for Margo fending off a man, whom Eliot vaguely recognizes. The young man warns him to get back inside, as scary creatures arrive, sending them all running back into the building.

The man introduces himself as Charlton (played by Spencer Daniels), a victim of the same plight as Eliot. He explains that this existence inside Brakebills isn't Eliot's true life. It's his manufactured Happy Place. He proves it by telling Eliot to imagine Margo is gone. He obliges and she instantly disappears. Eliot is confused to learn that he's trapped in his own mind as his body plays host to a demon. While Charlton tells him it's best to stay put in this reality, Eliot pressures him about a way out so he can take back his body. Charlton reveals that finding a door could set him free, but it resides in a repressed memory that one never thinks of because it's too difficult and terrible.

Eliot takes on the challenge of confronting his most traumatic repressed memory, leading them to his high school, where Eliot reveals the details of the first time he used magic, to kill a bullying classmate by causing him to be hit by a bus. He explains how the bully was the worst person he could fathom at the time and killing him turned Eliot into the worst person he knows. When he doesn't notice any door, Charlton points out that Eliot wasn't too traumatized by the memory as he sees the teenage boy comforted by his best friend Taylor. Seeing Taylor causes Eliot to realize a different painful memory may be the one he's looking for.

The two arrive in another memory, inside the high school gym where they witness a boy being attacked by classmates as they sling homophobic taunts. Eliot is quiet and saddened as it's revealed to be Taylor being attacked by a group that includes young Eliot. He tells Charlton about hating himself the most for hurting someone that he cared about because he was afraid of being himself. The duo still doesn't notice a door as the creatures arrive, scaring them back to Eliot's Happy Place.

Unwilling to give up, Eliot marked down all of his worst memories, consisting of terrible things that he's done to himself or to other people. He remained unsure of which memory might be the one to unlock his door. Charlton brought up the danger of continuing the search with the creatures lurking. Eliot used his control of the Happy Place to conjure his biggest protectors, Margo, Fen and Quentin (played by Jason Ralph) to keep the creatures away from them during their search.

Eliot led the group through a host of memories, including confronting his past of erectile dysfunction, ruining his time in bed with a guy (played by Boden Pothorin), and later an oral sex encounter. He passed through his memories of sleeping with other peoples' boyfriends, which led to flashbacks of his history with Quentin and Javier (played by Jai Rodriguez).

When that didn't work and the creatures attacked again, Fen and Margo sacrificed themselves so that Eliot could make it back to his Happy Place. While Eliot's manifestation of Quentin made it safely with him, Charlton was injured by one of the creatures. Eliot helped Charlton with his wounds and asked him about his worst memory, which made Eliot realize it had to be a memory showing what he feared the most. Quentin encouraged him to find it, as he promised to distract the creatures for him. When he mentioned a willingness to sacrifice for the ones you love, it caused Eliot to realize the memory he was repressing the most.

This led Eliot back to a memory from last year, after he and Quentin experienced a lifetime together while trying to solve a magical puzzle. Eliot watched as his memory played out with Quentin & Eliot discussing having spent so many years together in an alternate existence. Seeing it worked and they were happy, Quentin wondered if they should give that a chance in their reality, only for Eliot to dispute it being a good idea now that they were in a position to choose their future.

Unaware that his time was running out as Quentin and his friends made a plan to destroy the demon controlling his body, Eliot confronted himself, calling him stupid for being unwilling to take a chance on the possibility of love because of his fear. He walked over, pulling Quentin in for a kiss. He told him that if he ever gets out of this mess it will be because of the bravery that Quentin taught him. It was then that his door appeared.

Quentin and the gang prepared to spring their trap on the demon when Eliot managed to take control of his body. While Quentin believed it might be a trick, Eliot brought up their time alone together with the puzzle, convincing him that he was still alive and stuck in his mind. Quentin called off the plan at the last second. The demon regained control, sending Eliot retreating back to his Happy Place, where Charlton wondered if he was successful. Eliot hoped he was, as Quentin vowed to find a way to get Eliot back.